Creation of Brenden October Slay (part one.. the beginning)

Where to start? There was SO much that went into making this little miracle happen that I have put off writing about it - the task was quite a daunting one. I have some free time now with The Little One between feedings so I thought I would tackle the post.

I always knew that I wanted kids someday and by the time Dave and I got married in 2005, I was 35 and someday was knocking pretty loudly for obvious age reasons. Tick..tick..tick. Who me? I still feel like I am 18! We actually starting trying to get pregnant 5 or so months before the wedding and I naturally thought it would happen ~just like that ~. I mean we spend our lives trying not to get pregnant that we think when we actually try it will happen so easily.. WRONG! Much to my surprise! Dave deployed to Iraq in February of 2006 and came back in September and we continued to try again for another 3 months before exploring other options.

In December we thought we would cut to the chase and try IVF. Expensive option to try out of the gate but the sand was flowing through the hourglass and frankly we thought ''how hard could it be?" We plop down a substantial amount of money and go through some steps and voila.. a baby. In theory it sounds good, right? We both thought it would work on the first try and when it didn't, it was deflating to say the least. I was told that my eggs were rated at 'fair' due to my age. While the embryos that were created were 8 cell and graded excellent when they were put back in.. none of them took. Apparently egg quality and embryo quality are two different things. Unfortunately there is nothing to be done with eggs that are 'old'. Dave kept a positive view but I was pretty shaken and the thought of going through the process again was mentally exhausting. We had bought the 'insurance' with the San Diego Fertility Clinic. Meaning that if the IVF doesn't result in a live birth then you get a certain amount of money refunded. That made the sting financially easier to take the second time around but the emotional toll IVF takes was harder to swallow. You see - you don't want to be TOO positive that it will work because the let down is difficult when it doesn't result in a pregnancy but at the same time you don't want to be too negative that it wont work because you don't want to jinx it. Its a fine line and one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!

We got stationed in Corpus Christi, Texas from San Diego and made the move in February of 2006. That meant that I stayed behind and did the second IVF in San Diego while Dave moved our lives to Texas. When IVF #2 didn't work, I found out in Texas and was feeling pretty overwhelmed with the move, lack of success at IVF, finding a new job, finding new friends, etc. Needless to say there was a lot on our plates. My friend Jen came for a visit that next day and I was a wreck. I have to say it was unfair for her to come out to see me when all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock. Dave stayed positive and said that it would happen - keep positive. Have to hand it to him - he kept hope alive that it would all work out and I am thankful to him for that.

So we were back at square one in Texas with looking for a fertility clinic and ponying up large sums of money. No fertility clinics in Corpus Christi of course so the closest option was in San Antonio at the Fertility Clinic of San Antonio. Its about a 3 hour drive north and a boring one at that (especially at 5:00 a.m when you are supposed to be at the clinic for an 8:00 a.m appointment). Thank god for satellite radio in my car for enjoyment! Howard Stern provided the humor I needed! The clinic was great - ultimately because of the success we had - but a far cry from the lux conditions we were used to at the San Diego Fertility Clinic. At the San Diego clinic, you are treated very well. The office is very nice (I would expect that with the amount of money that is charged)! and the treatment in general was top notch. After the embryo transfer, they would give you a warm IV bag to put on your abdomen and wheel you out to your car in a wheelchair (completely not necessary but nice)! At the San Antonio clinic, the office was a bit on the shabby side in an older office building. I know it sounds odd but image at those clinics matter! The staff was nice but after my embryo transfer, they basically pointed to the door and said 'see ya!' They retrieved 11 eggs, 9 were mature and of those nine, eight were successfully fertilized by ICSI which stands for intracytoplasmic sperm injection. ICSI is when they individually fertilize each egg by hand (or pipette as it were). We had to talk the Dr. into putting back three embryos - all of which were 8 cell and again graded as excellent. The photograph at the top of the post is one of the three day old embryos right before they do the embryo transfer. He reluctantly agreed to put three back and much to my surprise one took... and on May 8, 2008 at 9:49 a.m. Brenden October Slay made his debut into the world. We currently have one embryo that is frozen and we hope to try the process again next year for another miracle!