Creation of Brenden October Slay (part three... the birthday)

It's been almost four months since I had the baby and I can remember the pain and joy like it was an hour ago. It all seems like a blur though in a lot of ways but there are some odd details that stand out more than others. Like the fact that after the baby was born and I got to hold him for a few moments and they cleaned him up and Dave left to accompany him to the nursery, my Mom and I were left alone in the room with the t.v. on "What Not to Wear". I am sitting there in the bed with my legs numb from the epidural staring at the t.v. dumbfounded at what just happened. I was oddly interested in the woman being made over... maybe because it's a dumb enough show that my brain could understand it while operating at half capacity from the drugs?

The day started with me being admitted to the hospital at 5:00 p.m the night before to have Cervidil administered to complete the effacement process. My Doctor was kind enough to allow me to be induced at 39 weeks to the date because the baby had dropped and everything looked great. I thought I could wait for him to come naturally but I was wrong. By the time I was 37 weeks, I was ready to have the eviction notice served. Those last weeks were miserable! After I was admitted, the nurse checked me to see how much I was effaced and she had this look on her face like she thought I was crazy to be there. She so politely told me she didn't think I was anywhere near effaced enough to be induced and that I shouldn't be surprised if the baby didn't come the next day. I guess she thought she knew more than the Doctor did and didn't care that she had just deflated my excitement down to nothing. Great bedside manners!! I thought.. "well what the hell am I doing here then?"

She inserted the medication and David left to get my Mom at the airport who was flying in from Salt Lake City. I was told that the medication doesn't induce labor like Pitocin (which I would be given in the morning) but it softens one's cervix thus completing the effacement process. With that in mind, I settled into the really uncomfortable bed for a night of anticipation. They had me hooked up with two monitors - one for the contractions and one that checks the baby's heartbeat. Every time I would get up to go to the bathroom (which they sort of discouraged as to not dislodge the Cervidil) I would have to unplug the cords from the monitors, wheel the i.v. into the bathroom and pray I didn't sit on all the cords when I sat on the toilet! Thanks to the i.v. drip constantly pumping my body full of fluid, I had to use the bathroom about every two hours. They had given me a sleeping pill but sleep was elusive that night -the blood pressure cuff automatically inflated every hour as to jar any sort of dozing that I was getting and the nurse had to come in and adjust the monitors every time I switched sides to sleep which was about every 30 minutes due to the lovely bed. Never mind the fact 'who can sleep when they know they are having a baby in a few hours!!"

About 3:00 a.m I noticed there was some pretty heavy cramping going on. In my delusional state, I thought it was just the Cervidil working. It wasn't until the nurse came in at 5:00 a.m. to take the medication out and check me that I found out I had started dilating and was already at a 3! No wonder it hurt so bad! The nurse asked why I hadn't asked for any pain medication during the night and was surprised when I said that I hadn't realized that the pain was labor actually starting. This was a different nurse than Ms. Ratchett that I had earlier in the evening ~thank God.. this one was actually very nice. Maybe my luck was changing?? Yes indeed it was.

This is the point where things get a bit hazy. Since the nurse offered some pain relief, I gladly accepted it. She told me what I could have was a shot through the i.v. of 'something that will just take the edge off ." Sounds pretty harmless, eh? I don't know what the med was but it knocked my socks off. I had originally just wanted the epidural so that what was left of my mental state could be maintained but she told me I couldn't get my epidural until my water broke which was different from what my Doctor had told me. He said I could get it whenever I felt I needed it but since he hadn't seen me yet that morning, I felt at the mercy of the nurse. After they put the medication into the i.v., I called Dave to wake him and my Mom up and have them come over sooner than 7:00 a.m which we originally planned on. He told me later that I sounded pretty out of it. I am sure it was pretty funny. Luckily they were up and ready and were by my side in about 20 minutes. David said he could not sleep anyway.

Doctor Caceras came in at 6:00 a.m and saw how fast I was dilating and broke my water for me. I asked if I could have my epidural but was told the Anesthesiologist was busy giving other epidurals at the moment. WTF? I guess it was a busy time of the morning for such a request! They started the Pitocin at 7:00 a.m and I think I was dilated to a 4 or 5 by then. The nurse said it would be several hours until I would be ready for delivery and at least an hour until I would get my epidural, so David and my mother left for 20 minutes to grab some breakfast then were back right by my side. By the time the Anesthesiologist came in I think it was around 8:00 a.m and I tried joking with him about how he was the most popular man at the hospital and he mumbled something with a thick accent without as much as a smile. So much for trying to lighten the mood! Epidurals are very strange things. You can actually feel your legs going to sleep and becoming numb. What a surreal thing. My Doctor told me I would still feel the urge to push when I needed to but I can tell you that I didn't feel any urge. It's like pooping without the urge to poop. A strange way to describe it but that's the closest way I can.

After they gave me the epidural, things settled down a bit. About an hour later I felt really tired and asked my Mom and Dave to let me nap for a short time. I think they thought I was crazy but they left the room. I remember the nurse coming in to check me (followed in trail by David and my Mother..they had left for 15 minutes). It seems I dilated to a 10 by 9:30 a.m because the nurse greeted me with a surprised look that I had progressed so quickly. She adjusted the bed, placed David gripping the back of my neck with his left hand and my right foot with his right hand to assist me, and said "Let's do a practice push." Push I did. Two big practice pushes and then she said "I had better get Dr. Caceras because it's time." Time for what? I thought I was going to be there all day in labor. I was thinking he would be born at 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon and here it was barely 9:30 a.m.

A full cast of personnel swarm in the room, and in about 30 seconds my comfortable abode was turned into something that looked like an episode of MASH. The next thing I know Dr. Caceras is telling me to push (for real) and I am pushing as hard as I can but I can't tell if it's hard enough or too much. Dave was telling me to breath in between the pushes because apparently I was holding my breath and just pushing and pushing. Weird that one has to be told to breath! The Doctor told me he needed to give "just a little snip" and my heart sank. I really really didn't want to have an episiotomy but it was out of my hands at that point. I think my eyes grew like two saucers when he said that - do you know they use scissors?? Egads.

Two pushes (or maybe three I can't remember) and he was born.. just like that! 9:49 a.m. Under three hours from when they gave me the Pitocin. I told the Doctor to tell the nurse that told me I would probably be unsuccessful to shove it up her a$$. Well o.k not in those terms but he did get my drift. He laughed and agreed.

The baby had a small problem breathing at first so they took him in the corner and fixed him up. Dave likes to say that I immediately quizzed the Doctor on how big of a cut he had to do on me.. but rest assured I did ask how the baby was and when they told me he was fine, I then quizzed the Doctor on the size of the cut. We got to hold him for a few minutes before they took him to the nursery for a proper bath and Dave got to follow. That was when my Mom and I watched 'What not to Wear' that I mentioned at the first of the post.

The whole thing was such a wonderful blur of ups and downs. I have never in my life experienced so many emotions in such a short period of time. I know that it sounds cliche but that really was the best day of my life.. hands down. I can't wait to see how he grows up and what sorts of things he loves. What his destiny may be. It is a mystery that I long to unravel and am excited and scared at the same time to see it happen. I love you my little boy and I hope life is long and good to you. It took a long time to have you here and we wouldn't have changed a thing. We love you so very much and we can't wait to see you blossom into your destiny.

Creation of Brenden October Slay (part two - the long 39 weeks)

After the third IVF and during the 'two week wait' Dave and I decided to take Noble with us up to the Hill Country and cool off in the water. This was Labor Day weekend 2007 and we both needed to get our minds off of whether or not we would be successful with the 3 embryos transferred. During that time, the clinic tells you not to take a home pregnancy test because of false negatives, etc.. easier said than done ~ let me say! After a nice weekend, we started the drive home but I wanted to stop at the drugstore and buy a test anyway.. I couldn't wait until the blood test. Never been one to follow directions anyhow. We got home and I casually went into the bathroom just knowing that disappointment was near. Lo and behold a POSITIVE! WHAT?? NO WAY! I showed Dave with a look of shock on my face and I he calmly said.. "see I told you it would work." Well of course I had to go out and buy another test and another and another and I think another. Dave said to me.. "how many tests is it going to take for you to believe that it worked?" I didn't know the answer to that question because I just simply couldn't believe that it was positive!

Then... we thought "how many took?" One, two or three?? OMG! We had to wait until the 7 week heartbeat viability ultrasound to see how many were in there. Much to our surprise there was just one ~ BUT what a wonderful one it was! The image to the left is a pic of that day. Simply unbelievable! I was like I was watching the ultrasound from outside my body. It was surreal!

Since the pregnancy was IVF, I had to continue with the progesterone shots for the first 12 weeks.. that was rough. The needle is 1-1/2" long and pow!! right in the hip every night. I went to Mexico for my friend Beth's 40th birthday celebration so I had to get good at giving myself the shots. For someone who was (and still is) so adverse to needles, I was quite proud of myself! I had to put on these estrogen patches on my stomach which I had a bad reaction to - again something that had to be done for 12 weeks. Of course it was all worth it and then some! The joys of IVF ~ ~~~~

We needed to have ultrasounds every two weeks until the first trimester was over and I got to be transferred to the care of my OB/GYN which enabled us to see baby many times in those first weeks. Not that one can see much. Below is the 12 week look at him. Pretty cool in my book! The white long 'stripe' is his spine.

Because of my age we wanted to have some genetic counseling to see what our options were. We decided to have the first trimester blood test screening and NT measurement. The NT measurement can detect Down's Syndrome possibilities along with the blood test. It can indicate that you have a higher or lower than likely chance to have a baby with Down's. It was confusing for us because the blood test came back with me having a greater than 1 in 250 chance of having a baby with Down's. Anything above that 250 number indicates a higher risk. I think my test came back at 1 in 190. What the first Doctor didn't tell me because I am sure he didn't know was that women who have IVF pregnancies have a higher blood test result than normal pregnancies. It doesn't make any sense I know but that is what I later learned. It was scary because from what I read, that test only has a false positive rate of 5%. We decided that we would talk to another Doctor about it and when we went to see him, he wanted us to come back at week 16 for a look on the ultrasound and at that time we could have an amniocentesis done which would indicate for sure what if any chromosomal abnormalities existed. That was an agonizing thought! What would we do if the baby had Down's? I did find that it is a whole lot easier to think you know what you would do if it were to happen to you but you really DON'T know what you would do until you are put into that situation. After the amnio, we had to wait for 10 days and that was an excruciating wait for us. Results were normal and found out for sure we were having a baby boy! So many ups and downs and the baby wasn't even born yet.

I never had morning sickness and for that I am thankful for. I did however have a huge sweet tooth throughout my pregnancy. Dave would have to get me Sonic Blast shakes many times a week. He was great about that! It seemed like the cravings ramped up after I felt the baby move at 17 weeks. I had a long way to go for having such high calorie cravings. In the end I gained 33 pounds and lost it all within 3 weeks of giving birth. I was lucky that way! There was a mysterious nausea I would get once a week usually on Wednesday mornings. I would get the BAD stomach pain right where my navel is and would break out into cold sweats then throw up. They thought it might be early contractions so I was told not to walk or excercise. The problem still happened so I got an ultrasound on my gall bladder and kidneys. Results were negative. We never did find out what it was and I did get it one time after I had the baby but fortuantely not since. It was strange.

At 29 weeks, we had a 3D ultrasound done which was amazing! Technology of today allows some great imaging. The baby was being 'shy' so we were told to come back in a week to get better images. The image to the right shows of the great shape of his mouth - one that continues to amaze me each day.

During week 30, I quit my job at WKMC Architects and flew to San Diego for my baby shower. It was awesome to see my friends and family and I had a great time. Shirley hosted the party and my friends Debbie and Jen organized it. It was a very special time for me! While I was there, Jen took this picture of me at Coronado.

We decided to induce labor at 39 weeks to the date. May 8, 2008 would be the date! We couldn't wait.......

Creation of Brenden October Slay (part one.. the beginning)

Where to start? There was SO much that went into making this little miracle happen that I have put off writing about it - the task was quite a daunting one. I have some free time now with The Little One between feedings so I thought I would tackle the post.

I always knew that I wanted kids someday and by the time Dave and I got married in 2005, I was 35 and someday was knocking pretty loudly for obvious age reasons. Tick..tick..tick. Who me? I still feel like I am 18! We actually starting trying to get pregnant 5 or so months before the wedding and I naturally thought it would happen ~just like that ~. I mean we spend our lives trying not to get pregnant that we think when we actually try it will happen so easily.. WRONG! Much to my surprise! Dave deployed to Iraq in February of 2006 and came back in September and we continued to try again for another 3 months before exploring other options.

In December we thought we would cut to the chase and try IVF. Expensive option to try out of the gate but the sand was flowing through the hourglass and frankly we thought ''how hard could it be?" We plop down a substantial amount of money and go through some steps and voila.. a baby. In theory it sounds good, right? We both thought it would work on the first try and when it didn't, it was deflating to say the least. I was told that my eggs were rated at 'fair' due to my age. While the embryos that were created were 8 cell and graded excellent when they were put back in.. none of them took. Apparently egg quality and embryo quality are two different things. Unfortunately there is nothing to be done with eggs that are 'old'. Dave kept a positive view but I was pretty shaken and the thought of going through the process again was mentally exhausting. We had bought the 'insurance' with the San Diego Fertility Clinic. Meaning that if the IVF doesn't result in a live birth then you get a certain amount of money refunded. That made the sting financially easier to take the second time around but the emotional toll IVF takes was harder to swallow. You see - you don't want to be TOO positive that it will work because the let down is difficult when it doesn't result in a pregnancy but at the same time you don't want to be too negative that it wont work because you don't want to jinx it. Its a fine line and one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!

We got stationed in Corpus Christi, Texas from San Diego and made the move in February of 2006. That meant that I stayed behind and did the second IVF in San Diego while Dave moved our lives to Texas. When IVF #2 didn't work, I found out in Texas and was feeling pretty overwhelmed with the move, lack of success at IVF, finding a new job, finding new friends, etc. Needless to say there was a lot on our plates. My friend Jen came for a visit that next day and I was a wreck. I have to say it was unfair for her to come out to see me when all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock. Dave stayed positive and said that it would happen - keep positive. Have to hand it to him - he kept hope alive that it would all work out and I am thankful to him for that.

So we were back at square one in Texas with looking for a fertility clinic and ponying up large sums of money. No fertility clinics in Corpus Christi of course so the closest option was in San Antonio at the Fertility Clinic of San Antonio. Its about a 3 hour drive north and a boring one at that (especially at 5:00 a.m when you are supposed to be at the clinic for an 8:00 a.m appointment). Thank god for satellite radio in my car for enjoyment! Howard Stern provided the humor I needed! The clinic was great - ultimately because of the success we had - but a far cry from the lux conditions we were used to at the San Diego Fertility Clinic. At the San Diego clinic, you are treated very well. The office is very nice (I would expect that with the amount of money that is charged)! and the treatment in general was top notch. After the embryo transfer, they would give you a warm IV bag to put on your abdomen and wheel you out to your car in a wheelchair (completely not necessary but nice)! At the San Antonio clinic, the office was a bit on the shabby side in an older office building. I know it sounds odd but image at those clinics matter! The staff was nice but after my embryo transfer, they basically pointed to the door and said 'see ya!' They retrieved 11 eggs, 9 were mature and of those nine, eight were successfully fertilized by ICSI which stands for intracytoplasmic sperm injection. ICSI is when they individually fertilize each egg by hand (or pipette as it were). We had to talk the Dr. into putting back three embryos - all of which were 8 cell and again graded as excellent. The photograph at the top of the post is one of the three day old embryos right before they do the embryo transfer. He reluctantly agreed to put three back and much to my surprise one took... and on May 8, 2008 at 9:49 a.m. Brenden October Slay made his debut into the world. We currently have one embryo that is frozen and we hope to try the process again next year for another miracle!

Fun Run

Yesterday morning Dave, Brenden and I went and did a 5K fun run that my friend Krystal had put together for her husband's 30th birthday. The proceeds went to help his brother who is doing missionary work in South Africa. I guess when I say we went and 'did it' I mean to say David ran it while I took pictures for Krystal. It was 8:00 a.m. and already hot and humid out. I wont go into how miserable the summers in South Texas can be - I think I have already talked about that in another post. The event was fun and despite not having run in months and wearing too small of shoes David did great!

Port Aransas

We went to Port Aransas back in April as something to do with the dogs on a weekend here in Corpus Christi. You see - it takes a lot of imagination to think of interesting things to do here and once you figure out there really are no interesting things to do here, you think of things that will at least get you outdoors during the tolerable weather because once summer hits, it is miserable.. mindblowingly miserable! The price of gas was cheaper then and between needing to take the dogs out and me having a baby a few weeks after that, we decided to drive on up to the little town of Port Aransas, Texas. Its about 30 mins from Corpus and a bird watching mecca. The Port Aransas Chamber of Commerce says the following about the town... "Beautiful beaches, vibrant views, relaxing retreats. Enjoy shimmering sunrises over the Texas Gulf Coast and serene evenings on the bay. Port Aransas is the premier vacation destination for beach, sun and family fun! Wiggle your toes in the sand! Reel in a redfish, captain a kayak, search for seashells, birdwatch, shop coastal stores and dine in island style restaurants. Our tranquil, tropical community boasts miles of natural beaches, gentle gulf breezes and just-right weather making our island a perfect, peaceful get away. Get close to the water and away from the crowds. Stay for a weekend or a week in choice accommodations -from quaint cottages to beachfront condos and RV parks to camp grounds. Visit Port Aransas on Mustang Island and enjoy the unspoiled beauty of Texas~Island Style!"

Not sure how much of that is true but it is a quaint place and a source of entertainment for a few hours and we could take our dogs into an outdoor restaurant to have greasy food and beer! YEA!

Here are some of the pics that I took there. The one of the turtles on a log was a cute one. David's Mom liked it so much she put it as her screen saver. I thought that was nice.

Above is a pic of Noble, LuLu and David waiting for me as I took my camera into one of the birding stops. One of us would have to wait for the other with the dogs as dogs and birds dont mix well. It was a relaxing day. We could all fit into the Land Rover but now with the baby I am not sure when we can all pile into that car and go for a drive again.. you know car seat, dogs, convertible, no airbags ,etc. Great car for adults and pets though!

The birds here really are spectacular to see. I wish I knew more about what kinds are here. There may not be a lot of interesting things to do here but the beauty of undevelped land is definately evident. That is one thing San Diego is missing!

A visit to my hometown

I decided to visit my parents in Salt Lake City when my husband David had to go to El Centro, CA for jet training. Thankfully I was able to stay there longer than the weekend or so that I had been doing for the last 10 years since moving away. This time though I had a little extra bundle of joy traveling with me.. Brenden who was 9 weeks old when we left. It was an experience! I was terrified that he would have a meltdown on the plane and I would be stuck with hundreds of eyes burning a hole through the back of my head because of a screaming infant. You know the poor soul - the one you just want to kill because their baby is screaming and making your ears bleed. Fortunately he slept like a baby (now I know where that comes from) because the roar of the jet engine was like a car ride on steroids. I had the sugar water and pacifier on hand in case he went into the 'buzz saw' as David calls it but alas... turns out he doesn't care for the paci even if its dipped in the heaven of sugar. I did have to feed him a few times and change his diaper on my lap but I dodged the bullet of the blowout stinky diaper change with the ricirculating air as my nemisis. Thank God for small wins! The plane ride back was a bit more challenging but all in all I feel that I passed the 'take care of the infant by yourself' test and I feel pretty good about that. In the comfort of one's own home it seems effortless (o.k not really) but somehow taking a newborn on a plane ride with no help seemed to me like sailing off the edge of the world. Now I know its entirely doable and that maybe my paranoia at what I thought was the whole plane load of people staring at me in anxiety might well have been in my imagination.

I was able to spend some great time with both my friends and family and Brenden got to meet them all which was awesome! It was the 24th of July which as some of you may not know is 'Pioneer Day' in Utah. It is huge there. More fireworks than the 4th of July and I had truely forgotten what is what like to be a kid there with all that goes on. It was great too see my nephew Dan and my friend Erica's daugher Sophia run around on the green grass through the water, do sommersaults and light fireworks. AHH to be a kid again!

I decided to take the Baby Bjorn with me just in case Brenden was feeling cranky.. or "Senior Fussy Pants"as David likes to call him. Thank God I did because I used it almost constantly. The downside is that now he likes to be 'on a body' and now cries when I even make the gesture to put him down. Seems like we will now have to wean him off of the Bjorn because at 17 pounds and 3 months.. he is a heavy sack of wheat to carry. I thought that the carrier would work for a while longer but Brenden the Brusier seems to be growing like a weed!

My sister threw a BBQ for me and my friends Kat, Erica and Beth were able to make it and bring their children Sebastian, Sophia and Aidan. It was great to have everyone together! Erica came with her Mom Ellen whom I hadn't seen in a looong time. The picture at the top of the post is of everyone there (except me of course).

My parents got a chance to get to know Brenden and that was probably the nicest aspect of the trip since my Dad hadn't meet him before. Hopefully I will get a chance to do a trip like this several times a year both to Utah and California.